5 Useless-but-Useful R Functions You’ll Use Every Day

What does “useless-but-useful” even mean?

These aren’t the functions that get you promoted.

They’re the tiny delights that make your daily R life 10× more fun and 3 seconds faster.

Copy them once. Paste them into your ~/.Rprofile. Never look back.

2026 EDITION

“I added #3 and now I smile every time my script finishes. 10/10 would recommend.”
— @hadleywickham (probably)

THE LIST

Pick your daily joy

🚀

emoji_progress()

Boring progress bars are dead. Meet your new favorite console companion.

emoji_progress <- function(total = 50, message = "Crunching data") {
  library(cli)
  cli_progress_bar(message, total = total,
    format = "{cli::pb_bar} {cli::pb_percent} {cli::pb_current}/{cli::pb_total} {emoji}",
    .auto_close = FALSE)
  
  emojis <- c("🚀","🔥","⚡","🌟","💎")
  for (i in seq_len(total)) {
    Sys.sleep(0.08)
    cli_progress_update(extra = list(emoji = sample(emojis, 1)))
  }
  cli_progress_done()
  cat("✅ Done!\n")
}

🎉

confetti()

Because every successful script deserves a party.

confetti <- function(times = 25) {
  colors <- c("\033[38;5;196m", "\033[38;5;202m", "\033[38;5;226m", 
              "\033[38;5;46m", "\033[38;5;51m")
  symbols <- c("✨","🎉","🚀","💥","⭐","🦄")
  
  for (i in 1:times) {
    cat(sample(colors, 1), sample(symbols, 1), " ")
    Sys.sleep(0.03)
  }
  cat("\033[0m\n\n🎊 MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! You're unstoppable.\n\n")
}

🍪

r_fortune()

Your daily dose of R wisdom (or dad jokes).

r_fortune <- function() {
  fortunes <- c(
    "The best plot is the one you never had to debug.",
    "Always check your data. Even your coffee.",
    "dplyr::mutate() is just base R with better marketing.",
    "If it works on the first try, you probably did something wrong.",
    "R is love. R is life. R is occasionally a nightmare."
  )
  cat("🍪 Today's R fortune:\n\n")
  cat("   “", sample(fortunes, 1), "”\n\n")
}

📧

quick_email()

One-liner to send beautiful reports from R.

quick_email <- function(to, subject = "Daily Report", df) {
  box::use(
    blastula[compose_email, md, smtp_send, creds_key],
    gt[gt, as_raw_html],
    glue[glue]
  )
  email <- compose_email(
    body = md(
      glue("
        ## Your report is ready! 🎉
        
        **Rows:** {nrow(df)} | **Columns:** {ncol(df)}
        
        {gt(df) |> as_raw_html()}
      ")
    )
  )

  smtp_send(email, to = to, subject = subject, credentials = creds_key())
  cat("📨 Email sent to", to, "!\n")
}

🃏

random_xkcd()

Instant break when your brain melts.

random_xkcd <- function() {
  num <- sample(1:3000, 1)
  url <- paste0("https://xkcd.com/", num)
  browseURL(url)
  cat("🃏 XKCD #", num, " opened. Go touch grass (or at least laugh).\n")
}